Lost

34 years, 4 months, 6 days
Severed with a short
I do.
You walked away
Beaming.
You flew to Italy
A honeymoon beginning.
Left behind, I struggled.
Stuck with you so long, I’d lost
All sense of me.
Just…. a maiden name now
When you write me
There is no moment’s reverie
For who you once were.

Rejection

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We shared a flat that fresher’s year

In truth we shared much more

Fledgling girls – unspoken pact between us

Bound so tight we were unassailable.

I shared your hopes, your fears, your dreams

A hundred late night shot fuelled schemes

For eighteen precious months

And then

A falling out, with just one

And I am nothing.

It is as if, I never was

Cast off, invisible

Days are spent searching for the sin

So great to warrant such a loss.

You don’t tell me. You don’t speak.

Indifference is total.

What hurts me most

Is that Iike all of you

I am fragile too,

But you will not remember

And I do not have the courage to ask you

Why?

Margot and the Armada Medal

Inside this velvet pouch

Is a medal – a memento mori

To salve the loss of someone dear.

When I hold it in my palm

I am a child again

Riding the funicular with foraged tickets

My hand is warm in hers.

As we descend, ascend and repeat again

The cars draw level and I hold my breath.  Mesmerised.

When I hold it in my palm

I remember the last visit.

There is no fire

Its absence makes the house feel chill

The radio tuned, or not

Is strangely silent.

I realise there will be no drawing today

No return for me, now Margot’s gone away.

When I hold it in my palm

I see her once again and my mind

Brims with memories

After all this time, she still imbues encouragement and calm.

The face on the medal

Rubbed to a soft sheen

Holds me in her gaze

Just one of many she has seen across the years

I am transported.  I am safe.